Friday, May 30, 2008

Adulthood

I was on the verge of buying a long-awaited PS3 the other day. Instead I paid some long-suffering bills. I'm finally getting a real paycheck and benefits. I just now took notice of the federal deductions from my real paycheck. The weekend is 'bout to be here, let's get dumb. Fair enough, I will get dumb. Fuck, I finally win one, you haven't taken everything from me adulthood.

3 Joints of the Week:


P-Funk - Get Off Your Ass and Jam....title says it all, let's have fun.


Pacewon & Mr. Green - Children Sing...Pace on a retarded beat, where the fuck has he been?


Above the Law - Pimp Clinic...some classic ATL funk, get past the odd minute or so long intro for that shit.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Saturday, May 24, 2008

10 bats > 1,500 blue seats

Don't let them haters get to you, John Odom.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Checkmate

Newest video from the internet celebrities.



"Making it rain? There is a lot of anxiety in that."

Monday, May 19, 2008

Innovation.


I bet you thought you were pretty creative when you made that pipe out of a Sprite can when you were 15. I bet you thought you were the man when you made a pipe out of pieces of fruit when you were 17, Macgyver couldn't even fuck with you. Well two Houston teenagers have officially topped all of your home made pipes and bongs.

"Two men and a juvenile are accused of digging up a corpse, decapitating the body and using the head to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Matthew Gonzalez and Kevin Jones have been charged with the misdemeanor offense of abuse of a corpse, said Scott Durfee, a spokesman for the Harris County District Attorneys Office.

According to documents filed in the case, Gonzalez, Jones and an unnamed juvenile on March 15 went to an Humble cemetery, dug up a man’s grave, left with the head and turned it into a “bong.” -
Houston Chronicle

Letter to Hillary

I have refrained from posting many of the political hip hop songs that are floating around this election season because most of them just aren't very good.

This is Talib Kweli's new group "Idle Warship" with him and Res (a female vocalist from Philly). The song is produced by Tunji from Inverse (Who frequently collabs with Cunninlynguists)

Friday, May 16, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Caf-fiend.


Seething headache. Slitted bloodstained eyes. Bone-dry mouth and tongue like sandpaper. It's a hangover all right and I have one. Fierce. I was talking a walk this afternoon swerving like I just hyped a methadone fix. I knew I desperately needed caffeine. If you've ever been to Milwaukee you more or less know that coffee (and PBR) are the lifeblood of this city. We got the shit on every corner like liquor stores in the hood. For some reason I love the coffee at Mickey D’s but if you've ever been to McDonald’s on North Ave you more or less know that the people who hang out this place look like they belong in the special needs wing of Professor X's mutant academy. I walked through the door and surveyed the scene. To my left - a paraplegic eating a half dozen apple pies with an inbred who looked like she was suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome. To my right - a man steadfastly rocking bootleg Packers gear all-over print parachute pants and a sleeveless flannel shirt, the physical living embodiment of bad fashion from the early 90s. Ahead of me in line, a fat bodied overly friendly co-ed who was carefully trying to explain that she just wanted to order a chef salad with no dressing while she was sipping a whip cream topped iced drink that looked like it's calorie content could kill a diabetic just by looking at it. I counted 10 "Thank You's" from her before she left to suck down her lard cocktail. As it was my turn to order, I went to the slack jawed woman behind the counter and gave her my demand. "Extra value meal number two with a large coffee to go please” She stared at the combo board, squinted her eyes, and studied it with intense determination. "Did you want Combo Number 2?" She replied. "Yes Combo 2". This sent her into a panic - I apparently was the first person in McDonald’s history to order this combo. The woman took a deep breath and furiously set out to work, all the while looking like I just asked her to climb a mountain. With the help of several other co- workers and several more questions about the combo directed towards me, I had myself my precious extra value meal - no less than 10 minutes later from the time I ordered it.

As I was waiting with my headache splitting, noticing the dried vomit on my shoes another glass eyed drooling man came in to talk to the inbred who was sitting by the door. Their conversation revolved around talk of using McDonald’s coupons, disgustingly non-subtle sexual advances towards each other, and how "Charlie" or "Chahhhlie" (obnoxious southern accent) found a bag of money, or as he repeated four times "un-mahhked hunnid dollahh bills", down by Humboldt and turned it in. He walked to the counter to place his order while they were still scrambling to fulfill mine. As he was waiting for the McDonald’s "Team" to honor his coupons - I swear to you, he launched into a loud accapella performance of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" - belting the chorus at a lounge- jazz like tempo, loud enough that even the homeless man in the corner of the "restaurant" exchanged looks with me - like, "Is that guy crazy?" God damn my caffeine dependency.

It's not too late.


Minneapolis or bust:

Shut the hell up!

This may be the angriest I've ever seen Keith. If you have an extra 12 minutes peep game:



**The video now works**

Monday, May 12, 2008

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Gaschamber

Back in the hostel days, our friend Uncle L was sort of into the idea of injecting alcohol directly into his bloodstream. This isn't quite on that level, but it's close.

http://www.boston.com/ae/celebrity/articles/2008/03/07/amy_winehouse_snorts_vodka/

Friday, May 09, 2008

Thursday, May 08, 2008

My Brewers Update


All Natural - Nothin to Lose
akthreesixty (11:14:47 PM): who's having the best year for the brewers
akthreesixty (11:15:17 PM): last year at this time prince was going bezerk
jaedubb80 (11:15:39 PM): not one person on that whole team is having anything resembling a cool year
jaedubb80 (11:15:42 PM): sheets and gallardo was
jaedubb80 (11:15:56 PM): i challenge you to find one other cool thing going on
akthreesixty (11:15:57 PM): no offensively i mean
jaedubb80 (11:16:00 PM): not
jaedubb80 (11:16:01 PM): one
jaedubb80 (11:16:04 PM): thing
akthreesixty (11:16:13 PM): i guarantee someone is having a better year than the best mets year
jaedubb80 (11:16:17 PM): seriously, go find somthing
akthreesixty (11:16:28 PM): do you deny that ?
akthreesixty (11:16:36 PM): that your best year is way better than any mets year
akthreesixty (11:16:39 PM): or better
jaedubb80 (11:16:43 PM): no way
jaedubb80 (11:16:45 PM): right now?
jaedubb80 (11:16:46 PM): church
akthreesixty (11:16:48 PM): yes
jaedubb80 (11:16:55 PM): church
akthreesixty (11:17:08 PM): if church is way better than your best youre in trouble
jaedubb80 (11:17:18 PM): we just lost 6 fucking straight
jaedubb80 (11:17:21 PM): so we are in trouble
akthreesixty (11:17:44 PM): both our squads are boringly mediocre
jaedubb80 (11:17:57 PM): no, mine is frustratingly bad
akthreesixty (11:18:11 PM): oh no
akthreesixty (11:18:15 PM): oh god
akthreesixty (11:18:26 PM): ok i'm sorry brotha
akthreesixty (11:18:33 PM): but i don't think ricikie weeks is gonna be a pro
akthreesixty (11:18:41 PM): what the fuck is he doing, agian
jaedubb80 (11:19:30 PM): ryan church is one HR behind Hall, otherwise he leads the brewers in avg. and rbi
akthreesixty (11:19:54 PM): yeah, no i'm really sorry i didn't know it was this bad
jaedubb80 (11:19:56 PM): mets are supposedly interested in turnbow
akthreesixty (11:20:04 PM): i mean even david wright is having a better year than your best
jaedubb80 (11:20:18 PM): him and braun are similar
jaedubb80 (11:20:25 PM): and braun would be our best
jaedubb80 (11:20:29 PM): and he sucks right now
akthreesixty (11:20:49 PM): i can't tell you how bad of a year carlos beltran is having
akthreesixty (11:20:57 PM): and he is my favorite player it's making me raw
jaedubb80 (11:21:35 PM): yep, better than weeks but not by a lot
jaedubb80 (11:21:48 PM): but you guys still find ways to win
jaedubb80 (11:21:50 PM): we do not
akthreesixty (11:21:50 PM): not by anything
akthreesixty (11:21:54 PM): i'll take the 5 hr
jaedubb80 (11:22:30 PM): weeks and beltran both have scored 25 runs, which is up near the top in the NL
jaedubb80 (11:22:38 PM): but to show how retarded things are here
akthreesixty (11:22:42 PM): beltran actually has a good on base position
akthreesixty (11:23:00 PM): percentage
akthreesixty (11:23:01 PM): sorry
jaedubb80 (11:23:06 PM): reporters ask yost about weeks and his low average, and low obp, though its good for his awful average
jaedubb80 (11:23:16 PM): and dude is like look at the runs hes scoring
jaedubb80 (11:23:39 PM): well if he was hitting .250 and getting on base at .375, wouldn't it be 15 more runs you fuck
jaedubb80 (11:23:46 PM): that is not a lot to ask
jaedubb80 (11:23:49 PM): 250
akthreesixty (11:24:06 PM): no that's a sad thing to ask
jaedubb80 (11:24:08 PM): yost just making excuses all over the place
jaedubb80 (11:24:36 PM): if we don't at least split against STL this weekend, fuck em
akthreesixty (11:24:41 PM): corey hart my be your best
jaedubb80 (11:24:46 PM): with 1 hr
jaedubb80 (11:24:49 PM): and 14 rbi
akthreesixty (11:24:51 PM): i know
jaedubb80 (11:24:53 PM): where is your power corey
akthreesixty (11:25:00 PM): but that avg stands out and he can run
jaedubb80 (11:25:05 PM): 4 sb
jaedubb80 (11:25:07 PM): not exciting to me
jaedubb80 (11:25:12 PM): not running as much right now
akthreesixty (11:25:15 PM): well it's 2nd on your team
jaedubb80 (11:25:24 PM): i don';t care
jaedubb80 (11:25:35 PM): neither of those guys are running right now
akthreesixty (11:25:36 PM): its something
akthreesixty (11:25:55 PM): gotta give hernan iribarren another look
jaedubb80 (11:26:10 PM): corey last stole a base on april 27
jaedubb80 (11:26:42 PM): weeks 1 since april 23
jaedubb80 (11:26:47 PM): fuck all of these guys
jaedubb80 (11:26:58 PM): no SP either
akthreesixty (11:26:58 PM): thats how i feel too
jaedubb80 (11:27:02 PM): literally only sheets
jaedubb80 (11:27:22 PM): weaver had a good start in AAA the other day and i'm more excited about him than anyone but sheets
jaedubb80 (11:27:37 PM): until i see him get the shit kicked out of him immediately
akthreesixty (11:27:41 PM): oh that's just awful
jaedubb80 (11:27:58 PM): yeah man, 7 innings, 1 er, 1 k
jaedubb80 (11:28:03 PM): great stuff for one K
jaedubb80 (11:28:10 PM): against AAA
jaedubb80 (11:28:12 PM): great
jaedubb80 (11:28:17 PM): that'll get it done

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Best Divorce Letter Ever


Classic Olbermann

I know we're all tired of the primary season, but this is hillarious (wait for the end).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9qd-P2bIiY

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Abortion Man

The recession is hitting home in more and more sectors of the American economy: foreclosures are up, gas is up. I couldn't buy an American dollar with two American dollars but don't worry the cost of a good old fashioned abortion remains stagnant.

After a long weekend of hot unprotected sex you may have missed the new Ironman movie, but I got the next best thing:

Monday, May 05, 2008

Why would you post that Long-Ass Shit ?

“That's a basically accurate comparison between people who live on the north side of Chicago and people who live in Milwaukee. I'll take the happy medium of Madison.”

So after Dr. A.R. Hess’ comment I got to thinking: what would an article detailing Madison during the BigTen Football opener sound like? Madison is a bit of an enigma - a city where people as smart and conceited as Northern Chi-sters still enjoy vomiting, Brett Favre, and self-deprecation as much as their fellow Killwaulkians is hard to define…

You wake up at 9am on Saturday - not because Kick-off is at 12:06 and you need exactly 3 hours and 6 minutes to get drunk, but because the vomit stuck to your cheek from the night before has hardened into some form of a weapon that’s starting to poke and scrape. You peel yourself from the kitchen floor, tossing aside the paper towels you were using as a blanket only to realize you don’t know where you are (other than a kitchen). At least you’re clothed.

You try to massage the softball-sized knot out of your neck as you walk outside – only to see you are the last one on the street and already late for the party. You weave through a jungle of multiple-story beer bongs, noticing that many people are already too drunk to focus on your puke-caked cheek. You are the only one in public not yet wearing red. You see a 48 year-old man vomit behind a car while double-fisting rum mixers. His wife stands next to him eating a hot dog and watching. She is also double fisting. You decide this requires action - you take off your shirt and run home topless. The woman cheers for you.

After a 3-minute shower, which includes 2 HighLife cans and a bowl that was too moist to actually hit, you pull on your $350 jeans and your $7 red t-shirt with both a large middle finger and Bucky printed on both sides. Somewhere between your 3rd and 4th HighLife and brushing your teeth you decide old shoes, no socks. You turn on your roomates 60-inch flatscreen TV with the 19-inch scratch to GameDay, not because you’re going to watch GameDay, but because it needs to be on GamedDay all-day during GameDay (Fuck You Al Gore). 2 hookahs and 3 HighLifes later you’re out. It’s 9:48

Suddenly you remember you have a boy/girl friend, so you call, let it ring once, then hang up. You can’t be expected to do all the work. You walk into house Party #1 along the way down Spring Street. Entirely too many unnecessarily large JelloShots later you’re convinced the only thing capable of balancing you out is Gin and Brats from the Stadium. While leaving the house party you see another 50 year-old man puking. As you walk by you see him regain his composure, only to stick his fingers into his throat and resume heaving. His 14 year-old son is standing next to him watching, eating a brat. He is also double fisting.

10:39 Walk past the police station, promising your friends you will knock out a bike-cop with one punch, and that you’re ‘going to fuck Darcy tonight.’ Everyone laughs, then immediately falls silent as a bike cop rolls by. ‘Next time.’

10:45 walk into the Stadium. See your 5th grade teacher drunker than you you’ve ever imagined a 5th grade teacher can get. At first it’s awkward, but she ensures you it’s ok – she teaches 6th grade now. You trade McGillicuddy shots. Then you trade Kessler shots with her husband – which he thinks is way funnier than you. Your teacher kisses you on the cheek - which he also thinks is way funnier than you. It’s awkward again so you relocate, buy 2 Gin & Tonics and 2 brats. As the G&T’s arrive you put your fingers into the cups and scoop out all of the ice, proudly combining your 2 talls into a quad. You put more condiments on the 2 brats than they can support, assuming it’s cool b/c Red can’t stain Red.

10:48
Discover Red stains Red severely.

10:58
Vomit Session # 1. It’s more orange than Red. You make a mental note that JelloShots trump Ketchup.

11:03
You finish vomiting, only to realize there’s a 49 year-old woman obliviously leaning against the wall next to you peeing. There’s an ATM 10 feet away with a family that includes 2 little kids – all fixated on this shit-show. In one motion you take off your shirt, wipe off your mouth and run. The woman cheers.

11:14
30oz Sol bottles behind the Open Pantry. Many.

12:15
Wait inside the Open Pantry to use the bathroom. Although the line is 17 deep it’s cool because the game’s on a 14-inch TV above the bathroom and Kit-Kats are 2/$1. You feel that this requires a mass-text to your whole phone book. (“KitKats 2fer1 @ OP you Hoes” – Nana will be thankful for the tip) There’s also a girl with really short shorts in front of you that has tied her shoes like 6 times already. You notice how sweet it is to watch a game on the little ass TV but hear the live crowd of 80k through the door. Suddenly, like an 8 year-old, you notice you are about to piss your pants and decide to run outside, only to realize you still have 4 half-eaten KitKats in your hands. ‘I’ll be back – I promise!’ The dude behind the counter has cleaned up far too much vomit by this point to give a fuck. ‘Fuck You!’

12:28
You find it tremendously humorous that you’re peeing in the same spot for the 3rd time in an hour. The people walking on the sidewalk that you shout this to don’t find it quite as funny. You suddenly remember that JelloShots Trump Ketchup and get super pumped – only to immediately forget why.

12:41
You decide to go back into Open Pantry – not because you feel guilty about the KitKats you just threw behind the store, or because you think that girl with the shoe-tying fetish was into you, but because it seems like a good time to buy a pack of Marlboros even though you don’t smoke.

1:38
On your 9th cigarette, you figure it’s time to go into the game. Your uncle’s co-worker’s neighbor would be super pissed knowing you wasted his tickets. Even if they were only $24.

1:45
You get to your seat to realize the Badgers are already winning by 28. That addition looks cooler every time you see it; you remind your buddy that Barry is god. Then you watch Biellema execute some ridiculously complicated confusing shit involving 7 substitutions, a field goal, 14 linemen and 2 kickers right before the half - that just hurts your head. Everyone around you has 17 theories and some even have rule books out; none of them seem drunk enough. The sun is starting to beat your ass. You begin dreaming of hockey games.

1:57
HalfTime. You pretend not to hear the PerMar guard when he reminds you can’t re-enter once you leave. You’re positive the rock-solid excuse you’ll create will change that rule - sorry old man. Let the 2nd half of the day begin.


(Peace to Al Gore and the Environment; GameDay only trumps you guys in the world of humor. Now get me some cold water)

Bang Bang Club, Paul Watson, more...

Me and Harmony were throwing around the knowledge tonight about some of the greatest pictures that we could recall... I thought it might be worth a 'blog post' for all you hepsters.

While the Bang Bang Club shot (pictured here) and and Paul Watson's Somalian shot (nuts interview here, if you have a few minutes and don't mind Terry Gross) were obvious picks (big PUN intended), it was great to see Nikon's highlights of the past 20 years...

Let the moral arguments begin !

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Hood Rat Things - 7 year old hero

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iprUJeDEXUo

shout out to max for this one.... no video games for a weekend.

Friday, May 02, 2008

This is Funny...Life is Not

Well folks, I had a clever and snappy post in mind to go along with this fun comparison article I found, but now I feel sick. Yep, Yovani Gallardo has a torn ACL and will be out some long TBA amount of time.

This, my friends is awful news. We are one Ben Sheets injury away from Jeff Suppan becoming the ace of the staff and the terrible Jeff Weaver joining the rotation. Ugh.

Anyway, the main purpose of this was to point out a funny comparison between Brewers and Cubs fans from Bugs & Cranks. Peep it:

Volume 1
Volume 2

In response to said article:
Jon: they make cubs fans sound like latte drinking fags and brewers fans like beer guzzling hicks
me: pretty much

Something to make you smile on this dark day, or not, I don't care about things anymore.

Worst hip hop album cover in the history of mankind!!!