I just got this email from my sister. Its from a Japanese guy who stayed with my family in 1994 on an exchange program.
From: Marissa Chaet <----@gmail.com> Date: Tue, Sep 30, 2008 at 8:26 AM Subject: Congratulations on marriage! ! To: Aaron Chaet <----@gmail.com>
Remember Akio? He was one of the Japanese foreign exchange students! I think we have that picture on the fridge actually. Anyway...apparently he saw me in the Chronicle online and emailed them! Chronicle then forwarded me his message and I emailed him. So funny!
---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: AKIO MIKUCHI <----@mx1.ttcn.ne.jp> Date: Tue, Sep 30, 2008 at 9:21 AM Subject: Congratulations on marriage! ! To: Marissa Chaet <-----@gmail.com>
Hello. It is AKIO. Are all the families in good health?
Though I cannot do it very much, the English is all right because I can understand with the interpreter of the PC. Because it converts this sentence by an interpreter, it may be a slightly strange sentence.
Because I found Marissa in chronicle accidentally, I was surprised at the truth. Because I wanted to send an email by all means, I e-mailed chronicle.
Congratulations on marriage! ! What kind of person is the master? Where does the honeymoon go to? ? I married two years ago, too. I send a photograph. The wedding ceremony was Hawaii. The daughter was born in April of this year, too. I send the photograph of the daughter this time! I live in Kanagawa and work as a skiagrapher now at a hospital. In fact, I buy a house, and it will be moving tomorrow. In addition, I e-mail it.
Well this is some crazy shit indeed. In fact, this was a wacky sports weekend that was largely a failure...of course this one success easily eclipses any of the disgust many of us felt, particularly on Saturday. I could go on for awhile about this, but instead I'm gonna point you in the direction of the notable pieces of evidence that prove this actually took place. If nothing else, this will be nice to come back to years from now and recall this spectacular moment. Who knows what will come next, but this point and time is forever, so let's enjoy:
9/28/08 Bob Uecker Game Wrap
If you pay attention to nothing else I post on here, please at least take a listen to this. I'd encourage you to listen to the whole thing, but if you are looking for the key moments:
1:10 - Craig Counsell's game-tying walk
2:18 - Braun's game-winning HR...this would probably be my all-time favorite call, an emotional Uecker at his best
3:34 - bottom of the 9th...the double play call is also a crazy thing, particularly the crowd.
9/28/08 Jim Powell's Brewers Rewind
While this doesn't include Sunday's game, it's a great recap of the week that was, including some huge HR's by Prince and of course Braun's grand slam to beat the Pirates on Thursday.
There is plenty more where this came from, most of which you can find in some form at my two favorite Brewers blogs...Brew Crew Ball and Al's Ramblings.
01 Once Beyond Hopelessness 02 The Distance Between Mars and the Earth -- Part One 03 The Horrors of Isolation: The Celestial Dissolve, Triumphant Hallucination, Light Being Absorbed 04 In Excelsior Vaginalistic 05 Your Spaceship Comes From Within 06 Suicide and Extraordinary Mistakes 07 The Distance Between Mars and the Earth -- Part Two 08 The Secret of Immortality: This Strange Feeling, This Impossible World 09 The Gleaming Armament of Marching Genitalia 10 The Distress Signals of Celestial Objects 11 Space Bible With Volume Lumps 12 Once Beyond Hopelessness
Does anyone still think the Brewers shouldn't do whatever it takes to re-sign C.C. next season? For 2008 they paid over $27.5 million to Sheets, Gagne, and Sabathia combined. It seems to me they can easily afford to let Sheets and Gagne go, sign Sabathia for $23 million or so, sign a young starting pitcher for $5 million a year or so to replace Sheets, and sign a beer vendor to fill in for Gagne. Even if the Brewers have to increase their payroll a bit, Sabathia will more than compensate for it through increased ticket and merch sales. Plus signing Sabathia to a giant contract would really prove to us fans that the team intends to compete for years to come. The only risk is that he suffers a severe injury and becomes untradable, but the Yankees or Red Sox would probably still take him.
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Billionaire Warren Buffett told congressional negotiators that if they can't agree on a proposed financial bailout, the nation will face "its biggest financial meltdown in American history."
Yep folks, we are gonna be a bit Brewers heavy this week and hopefully into the playoffs.
Criminally underrated Brewers radio announcer Jim Powell gives a great call to a dramatic and spectacular ending last night, as well as a nice description of the scene on his consistently insightful blog:
9/25 Jim Powell Game Wrap (skip to about 2:20 for the lead up to the call itself)
Well things are getting verrrrry interesting around here. The Brew is back in the mix and tied with the Mets for the wild card. The rotation may be a mess, the offense still not quite out of their prolonged funk, and Yo Gallardo is making his first appearance tonight since May, in a crucial game. But, they've won 3 in a row and things are looking up for the first time in the month of September.
Where we go from here, who knows, but I'm gonna take this chance to reflect on the season with a positive mindset, before I theoretically lose my mind over the next several days. What better way to do this than with the help of the unparalleled soundtrack on the seminal baseball movie of my life, Major League.
Randy Newman - Burn On
Press play and take a journey with me...back to March, when expectations where high, playoffs or bust (= Yost fired). A team filled with young stars, improved pitching, a revamped bullpen and a dangerous lineup. But wait, this melancholy track may hint at the eternal hope of spring training, but you can't help but think of the failure...the decades of failure. No playoffs in my 25 years of life, with only a couple instances in which they even threatened. A monumental and embarrassing collapse last season. Year after year of bad personnel moves, career changing injuries and mismanaged teams. When you're a Brewers fan, the beginning of the baseball season is a blessing and a yet to be broken curse.
Instrumental Score - Trial & Error
This upbeat track is really nothing of the sort. While the mid-game push ups, egregious errors, Rick Ankiel-like wild pitches, boos and fan shit talking was funny in the movie, none of that was comical in real life as the Brewers got off to a uninspiring 20-24 start (if it was up to me, Weeks would be doing push ups after his pop ups). The low point was a sweep in Boston, most of which was seen on national TV. Let's just apply this song to most of September as well, as even with our recent mini-surge, a 7-14 record in the month is fucking awful.
Instrumental Score - Pennant Fever
Now this is the one that applies to this exact moment in time. And if you don't get excited for the rest of this week after hearing this, please don't bother watching. Interestingly, in the movie the climax comes when the Indians play the Yankees in a one-game playoff for the AL East title. Of course, they win and make the playoffs, a joyous moment that many other MLB teams would laugh at, but fuck, crawl before you ball my friend. The Brewers could certainly be headed for a Monday playoff vs. the Mets or Phillies. That would be a wacky scenario either way and if we win...
Bill Medley - Most of All You
Then everything starts going in slow motion and I look for someones arms to jump in. Okay, maybe not if we only qualify for the playoffs. Maybe things only really move in slow motion if you win a World Series, which may be the one inaccuracy of the film. Fuck it though, whether it's making the playoffs or winning "the whole fucking thing," I would like my moment where I find Rene Russo in the crowd and see two friends of mine who don't really get along exchange punches and hugs. A lifetime of baseball disappointment and heartbreak, thousands of hours spent watching directionless teams, could be truly put in the rear view in a few days. Maybe.
Does anyone else want to try live blogging the debate tomorrow night? I'll just make a post, and we can all comment on it as the debate progresses. It could be hilarious, it could be lame, but we won't know unless we try it.
They may not be the cannibal racists that Always Sunny referred to in fine form last night, but great to know that there are plenty of computer racists still out there. No, not people that refuse to have a certain color of computer or reject certain brands (fuck Macs though, am I right or what...I'm the only one still fighting that battle you say...OK, I'll accept a free Macbook). No, these are the folks that relish the opportunity to shoot off emails (zip) that truly reflect their bigoted ways. They go through their daily lives wishing it was 1908 because they could say anything they wanted back then, ya know hey, those were the good ol' days. Well, for some crazy reason it is taboo in this day and age to run around spouting racist shit, so their refuge is a computer and those annual hunting trips with their old frat brothers.
The most recent form of this comes in response to Josh Howard's comments about the national anthem recently. I was not offended by Josh, though I acknowledge that he is one of the last people who needs to be running his mouth these days and saying wacky things like that, but was this response warranted?
Of course not, but luckily these folks have plenty of racist rants in the vault, ready to unveil at any moment, particularly when the NBA is involved. You know, the NBA, the league of "gangsters" and "thugs." Not the NFL, those dudes are the cream of the crop. That's the league of Coors Light, country music, down home values and murder attempts on pregnant girlfriends (1, 2).
Props to Mark Cuban though for posting this shit and leaving the idiots email addresses in there. Feel free to send these folks the craziest shit that comes to mind.
At a recent party I fucked a Spanish girl in an inflatable igloo. As we were going at it—standing up, from behind, clothes mostly on—she put her fingers in her ass. Being the gentleman I am, I asked if she'd prefer something (slightly) more substantial in there. She said yes; I put it in. After a few minutes, I began to smell something foul. I prayed to the God I don't believe exists that it wasn't what I suspected. I finally looked down and saw that her ass and my dick were covered in brown. On the verge of vomiting, I tried to stay calm and make what I would consider to be a traumatic situation for her a little less embarrassing. Thing is, she wasn't embarrassed. She didn't seem to mind. In fact, after I lost my erection, removed my socks and underwear, and used them to try to clean things up, she sucked me off. The next day, I received a text from her saying that she had a great time. No apology for shitting on me, no quip to lighten things up. I'd suspect that she forgot the whole ordeal (she was drunk), but I'm confident that despite my efforts to clean up, she awoke the next day with shit on her person and skirt. In the days since, my sympathy for the cute little thing has turned into resentment. Shouldn't she have known she had to poop? Shouldn't she have apologized?
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
You did all the right things after that Spanish tramp shit on you—and we're talking shit here, not a splash or two of santorum. You pulled out, you cleaned up, you moved on to something else. Some folks would've freaked but, eh, those folks don't get it. You can put lipstick on an ass, my friends, but it's still an ass. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Shit shouldn't happen; it's gross when it does. But when you're fucking ass, shit has to be regarded as a "known known." The accidental shitter, however, owes the mortified shittee the courtesy of being appropriately mortified; the shitter should also quickly assume all clean-up duties (oral doesn't count); and if the shittee is being cool about it, the shitter should thank the shittee for not making a big deal about it. Based on this girl's actions, SSBB, I'd say she was blind drunk, utterly clueless, into shit, or all of the above. Whatever her major malfunction, SSBB, wipe her number from your phone's memory.
Tell me the name of my fetish! In intimate situations, all I want is the foreplay portion of a hookup: kissing, petting, dry humping. But it goes no further than both parties being shirtless, i.e., no oral, no penetration, no getting off. Is there a name for this fetish?
Dear Matt Drudge, I hate so many of the things you choose to be. I hate your fascist and ultra-conservative radio show. I really can't stand the much less overt conservative slant on your webpage. I hate everything that you stand for and what you choose to be. And yet I cannot look away. Drudgereport.com its just so, just so seductive. That webpage with those big pictures, the bold typeface, and those....and those...outrageous headlines. I wish i knew how to quit you. Forever yours,
Warning this is about the Republican Party and its presidential and vice presidential nominees, so if you’re at all squeamish or bored by this topic, fuck off and get out of my face. Since my days consist of obsessive computer note taking, I tend to have lots of random moments to troll the Internet. Generally the only things that are interesting to read are (insert your favorite sports teams here) and the current election. Today’s topic is this election.
So for the first time in a long time, I was really excited about a political election. Usually in any political election, city, state, nationwide, there’s a Republican dbag and someone who’s also a Democrat dbag. (See Bush vs. Clinton, Feingold vs. Michels, Gore vs. Bush….you get the picture.) Well this year its John McCain and Barak Obama. McCain has been around a long time, and has done a lot good stuff in Senate and has been known as a standup gentleman. In 1992, he campaigned vigorously for fellow vet Bob Dole. He didn’t mince words and refused to use to discuss Clinton’s, well-known to the political establishment, sexual vices. On the night that Bob Dole lost the presidential election, McCain was the only politician at Dole’s side. McCain has also gone out of his way to forgive the dirty hippies who protested the Vietnam War, and some who actually went to Vietnam and helped spread North Vietnamese propaganda. In addition to these qualities, McCain also developed great political humility. McCain lost a decisive South Carolina primary in 2000 to W. Bush because of Karl Rove’s smear tactics. In which Rove had a polling company call voters and ask how they would feel about John McCain if they knew that he had an illegitimate black child. McCain does in fact a Bangladeshi child whom he adopted. Also during that primary, he kowtowed to the racists in South Carolina and refused to tell them that he thought it was inappropriate for them to keep the Confederate Flag on the State House. He has written that this is one of the things he most regretted during the 2000 campaign. McCain ended up losing narrowly to W. Bush in South Carolina, and the rest we know is history.
Let’s fast-forward to today, where McCain and his party are running several ads that are just plain false. First, lets start with the whole lipstick on a pig remark. Here’s what Obama actually said in reference to McCain and Palin adopting his slogan of “Change.” "You can put lipstick on a pig," he said as the crowd cheered. "It's still a pig." "You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It's still gonna stink." "We've had enough of the same old thing." Well McCain’s campaign has taken this as an affront to Palin because she called herself a pit bull with lipstick on.
Second, has anyone seen this ad?
It’s very well done and entirely false. The objective of the actual bill was to teach an age appropriate, as determined by the school district, lesson to children about the dangers of strangers and sexual predators. So its not about sex, but that it’s wrong for strangers to touch them. I’m pretty sure I got this education when I was that young.
Third, Palin is just straight lying about refusing that “Bridge to Nowhere.”
Because A) She was totally for it when running for governor. B) The Congress refused to let Alaska to spend that money on the Bridge. C) She got the money anyways.
Fourth) Palin hasn’t given one interview yet. She hasn’t taken any question from the press. She may be elected to be Vice President in 2 months and what the fuck do we know about her. She likes to hunt from airplanes, has a selective memory, is for abstinence only education despite the fact that her daughter got knocked the fuck up, and can recite the Republican mantra.
Fifth) I can go on and on.
Now, why is this all a big deal? Well, the Republican Party can nominate whomever they want. They can act as sleazy as they want. Remember, this is America folks. But what I can’t stand is that despite all this, he’s gaining on (and in some beating) Obama in the polls. I know Obama’s not perfect, but he’s not lying to your face. Fuck 53% of you America. Wake up or get the fuck out, seriously.
...you goddamn idiot sports fans. I think I've reached the point where I hate 95% of you. Why, you may ask? Because in those moments that you attend a sporting event you become the worst people that exist in this country.
Now look, I admittedly feel strongly that I know much more than you about sports in general, particularly about those specific teams I hold dear to my heart. But, believe you me (?), that is not the problem. If you don't know that much about something, whatever the subject may be, ask questions, study up and feel free to offer your opinion. Humbly. Don't be a loud, obnoxious clucker, poppin shit because you paid for a ticket and you think that gives you a pass to do what you please.
I went to a Brewers game the other day and was subject to the worst of this kind of fan. To set the stage, the Brewers have been struggling as of late, but find themselves in a position to make the playoffs for the first time in my life. I was in my mother's stomach at a playoff game in 1982, that would be it folks. A small sampling of several hours of comments:
Directed towards catcher Jason Kendall on a play at the plate, a late and off target throw from RF by Corey Hart: "Way to be ready for the throw Kendall, great, that's just fucking great."
"Eat some meat Prince! Eat a burger! The soy ain't gettin' it done!!!!"
Every time a Brewers player is at bat, I suppose to accentuate that they like to swing at first pitches..."swing....swing...swing...swing...swing..."
Prince Fielder, en route to a 0-4 game and with 2 outs, doesn't hustle on the most routine grounder possible: "Hustle! Hustle! Fuckin' jagoffs, can't hustle for all those millions of dollars, well that's just great."
"Go Cubbies."
On Brewers closer Salomon Torres, who has had a career year: "Yep, not like you were that great in Pittsburgh, jagoff."
On a clean single, loosely in the vacinity of 2B Ray Durham: "HUSTLE, HUSTLE GODDAMNIT!"
A couple things on these ignorant and not remotely funny or clever comments. One, this dude had his wife and several small kids with him. These kids would laugh at the dumb shit he said, boo Brewers players to be like their dumbfuck father, and are sure to grow up like some idiots spreading the same fuckery.
Two, people around us, in agreement or not, would look at this fellow and give him a smile after he threw out his foolishness. Whether they were sharing his sentiment or telling him to shut the fuck up in their heads, the acknowledgement of his presence only spurred him on. A lesson to all: either ignore these folks completely or turn around and punch them in the fucking face.
Let me just say, fuckers like this make sporting events miserable to go to. Opposing fans talking shit is fine and can be enjoyable. Fellow fans who don't know what's going on or don't pay attention to the game are to be expected and are at least not overtly distracting.
Motherfuckers like this list bullshit stats and repeat reactionary nonsense from sports radio and message boards. They think that because they paid their hard-earned money (enough with that line) to go to a game, they are therefore free to spout endless misinformation. These are the dudes who were failed athletes in high school, challenge their kid's coaches to fights over lack of playing time, and slap the shit out of their kids for not being good enough to warrant playing time.
If you are one of these people take a long look in the mirror or your reflection in the pond that you fish in, and ask yourself if you want to go through life as that full of shit dude at games. If you realize your faults and strive for change, well I commend you. If not, well I was quiet the other day, so next time you are getting punched in the fucking face. Good day.
Since our stolen cable was restolen back from us last week, I've been online trying to get my daily fix of television.
After some lazy surfing, I came to the conclusion that Reality TV is still good for one thing - knocking down the very monsters it created.
Hopefully, with shows like "I love Money," and "Farmer Wants a Wife," coming out this season, this might just be the final wave of shitty reality shows... And if so, then we'll have more time and space for the shows that matter! Like your shitty police fantasy dramas made for people that were too lazy to tackle chemistry, or your shitty fantasy gameshows made for people that are too dumb to waste their money by way of a credit card that rewards airline miles.. .
Believe me, you don't want a 6-day/5-night all-inclusive trip to Cancun. You really don't. But if you think you do, try taking off work for 6 days, lock yourself in your house with all the lights on, eat nothing but Taco Bell, sleep on your kitchen floor with the oven on & its door open, don't drink ANYTHING, punch yourself in the facial & abdominal regions frequently, leave your television on the EuroTrance music channel as loud as it goes 24/7, and take showers at the hottest possible setting each morning. You can also have friends stop by to scream swear words and throw bottles at you through your windows if you're looking to add another layer of reality.
I promise it will be equally rewarding, and a lot cheaper. But if not, watch that gameshow, win that trip, and go have the vacation of a lifetime... but I'm warning you: you'll probably wish you just watched "Farmer Wants a Wife" instead.
Imagine it's the summer before your senior year of high school and you're a tall, good-looking star hockey player (I hope that's not too much a stretch for you, hugelush). You know you can get any girl in your school, but you've mainly been hooking up with one for the last few months. She may not be the hottest chick around, but her mom's the governor and she lets you fuck her raw dog (probably because she's never been educated about contraception). One day she calls you and tells you she's pregnant. At first you're pissed. "I don't want kids" (direct quote from his MySpace page), you say to yourself. But then you go out the woods to "shoot some shit and just fucking chill" (MySpace), and you start to feel better. You say to yourself, "Fuck it. It's no big deal. I'm the fucking man. I'm sure I'll knock up a bunch of bitches before I settle down. I'll just keep my distance from her and pay as little child support as possible."
All goes according to plan for a couple months, but then one day the girl's parents show up at your house with a platoon of secret service agents. Your general attitude is, "Ya fuck with me I'll kick your ass" (MySpace), but you think this time you'd better listen to whatever they say. They sit you down at your kitchen table and her mom tells you, "You're going to promise to marry my daughter, come with us to the Republican Convention, and smile and wave under the stage lights, and you're going to like it. The election is in your hands, son. It's time to put your country first."
I've frequently stated that if any of my friends ever got there hands on some Rohypnol to go ahead and roofie me without warning. No one has been up to the challenge thus far but the following video is making me rethink my previous statements.
The next VP my friends. This pic may or may not be fake, let's just say it's not. But if you haven't seen Palin's sports connection, peep the article that accompanys this fun.
