N.W.H. - Come and Pet the P.U.S.S.Y.
Welcome to Fuck Y'all Muafuckas: Tournament Edition. That FYM would be directed towards all you fucks who think you know a goddamn thing about the NCAA Tournament. From Digger Phelps to Doug Gottlieb, from dude next to me on the train to any girl. You are all full of shit in your own unique way and I've had enough, so here's my version. Let's start with the do's and dont's of the NCAA Tournament:
- DO go somewhere, anywhere new to watch the 1st weekend of games. Staying home and treating this weekend like any other random slate of college ball is unacceptable and boring as fuck. From Windsor to Vegas to Ann Arbor, the random spots I've hit during this weekend have only added to the experience. You have to work harder to find the right place to be at, but once you do, being faded in a strange place with a bunch of unknowns beats the shit out of the imprint in your couch.
- Speaking of Vegas, DON'T watch games at a sports book unless you show up several hours before the first game. The atmosphere is def. fun and full of degenerate fuckers like yourself, but if you don't get a seat you spend more time focused on swooping than the games.
- DO value rooting for your squad(s) to do something fun and pick them to do so. You know why, because you aren't gonna win that pool you're in, you're not, you won't, you will not. No, you don't have to pick your team to do unreasonable, crazy things, but if you are on the fence about a match-up, just fucking pick them to advance. Could WVU very well beat AZ in the 1st round? Why yes, they are favored in fact. Would I ever in my life pick that to happen? Absolutely not. Could USC take out UW in the 2nd round? Well certainly, but I would (do something insane, choose your own adventure here) rather than make that pick.
- DON'T assume that going to a day/weekend of games is a good idea. Maybe you'll end up with a bunch of great match-ups and some memorable, life-changing, Hollywood scripted, spectacular endings. Or not.
Take last year for example, when those dudes I lived with at that weird house went on an impromptu road trip to the NO to see AZ play. Andy and Gabe back in the Creep's homeland, enjoying drinking in the sun, and Jase shopping for cowboy boots and kickin' it with the bums. Drunk, with some cheap tickets that somehow put them close enough to the AZ bench to pass off a copy of their album to Josh Pastner (he's a huge fan), it sounds like the perfect scene. That is, until the game started and they were methodically beaten down by Carl Landry and Purdue. Those close seats ended up being a curse, as they will tell you, as they could see the glazed over eyes of the AZ players who clearly did not give a single fuck.
Or how bout myself and several friends at the United Center last year. With some not-so-cheap tickets, we expected a breezy weekend for UW, coasting their way to the Sweet 16 over Texas A&M Corpus Christi (?) and UNLV. While they rallied from a big deficit to beat A&M CC on the first day, it was clear they were no longer the team that ascended to the #1 ranking in the country just a short time prior. This was a team that peaked too early and hadn't adjusted to Brian Butch's awesome/horrific elbow injury. As Jason Terry's jheri-curled brother/Dru Down's kindred spirit hit the dagger 3, you could feel the death in the air. Up next was Tubby Smith's swan song in a slapping to Kansas, while we all stood in a daze wondering why the fuck we were still there. Fun memories.
- Lastly, DON'T assume that everyone is cool with watching a full day of ball and being content doing so, Grampa Wilson will slap you for that shit.
While I've seen probably about 70% of the field play at some point this season, I won't pretend to have much of a sense of what these bastards are gonna do. For a comprehensive preview, meaning a bunch of random facts about the teams and not much info that'll actually help your bracket, check out Deadspin. I will, however, share some insight on those I know best, meaning the Big 10 and AZ:
Indiana - Eric Gordon is great and DJ White has finally fulfilled his potential, and will join him next year in the league. While the team seems to have quit on this Dakich idiot (who is a dead man walking), Arkansas' leading scorer Sonny Weems is banged up, so I'll go with IU. Then UNC will serve them to the curb.
- FYM Fun Fact: I may be in IU this weekend, so I'd enjoy a loss by them in either game...or do I want wins for a celebratory campus? I'm confused now.
- FYM Fun Fact: For as much disdain as I have for this school and general confusion as to why anyone would go there or frankly why it exists, I don't have a problem with this collection of players. Except Chris Kramer, fuck that guy.
- FYM Fun Fact: I may also be at MSU this weekend, but would like a loss regardless. Me and Mouton will throw fists with anyone there.
Arizona - If you have some affiliation with AZ and a place in your heart for them, this time of year is mass confusion but usually ends in the same way. They are coming off an inconsistent season in which they showed flashes of greatness, mixed in with a helping of apathetic performances. The ratio varies from year to year, but when it gets to tournament time, we can all see them doing great things or nothing at all. In the end, most of us will always have them doing more than makes sense and going on a crazy run.
In that tradition, they will beat WVU and upset Duke as well. I'm not gonna analyze those games specifically, because when it comes down to it they are as talented as most, it's just a question of whether they play up to that talent. Ultimately, teams that are successful in tournament overwhelmingly have multiple future NBA players on their roster. Once again this is the case in AZ with Bayless, Buddinger, Hill and maybe Lil' Wise.
- FYM Fun Fact: I said this the minute he came on as an assistant, but Kevin O'Neill is pretty wack. Here's a good article talking about it. The longer he's around, the less you'll hear about unfulfilled potential because they will just be straight up mediocre.
UW - Well, I've been saving a nice heaping Fuck Y'all Muafuckas for those of you picking against UW in the 2nd round. But ya know what, people just love to do this shit every year, so maybe it's time I got over it. The national perception of UW is not changing anytime soon, so it's time to openly embrace it. All that being said, let me just throw out a few things for you idiots.
Cal St. Fullerton, glad you finally made it back to the tournament, hope you enjoyed Omaha. Next up we have USC or Kansas St. While I have fun with Mayo and Beasley as much as the next fella, the statement that either will take down UW is reflective of pure anti-UW (or the system they play) bias.
K State has literally not beaten a single relevant team since they won at home against Kansas nearly 2 months ago. Beasley is great, but in Durant fashion, his huge numbers have not translated into that great of a team.
USC, my pick to win the 1st round game, has been quite good this year and progressively gotten better. They are inexperienced but their athleticism and perimeter defense could certainly pose some problems for UW. That being said, if you had to pick a team from the Pac-10 that mirrored UW, who would it be? I would say probably Washington St., if nothing else from a system and philosophy perspective. As it turns out, Wash St. beat USC by a combined 39 points, in two games this year. Interesting.
At the end of the day, clearly I'm picking UW regardless. Please sir, just keep in mind that they have not lost to a bad team all year and in their last 26 games, they only lost to Purdue. Sleep if you must, but when it comes to the tournament, sleep is the cousin of death. I think that's what Nas meant anyway.
- FYM Fun Fact: Greg Stiemsma is the team chef and barber. Trevon Hughes likes the eggs he makes in particular.
1 comment:
Your predictions are shit....I hope Paul Davis comes back from wherever the fuck he is and joins forces with Suton for a thunderstorm. Big Irish men for life.
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