Another year is quickly approaching it and with it many of your failed resolutions. I have a couple hopes for the following year.
1. Dr. Dre: Detox – Although this is probably unrealistic, the album will probably be on my 2015 wish list. Waiting for an elderly Andre Young to drop some shit in a nursing home about Medicare. While were at it throw a Big Daddy Kane solo album and a Fugees reunion album on there. DJ Khaled and T-Pain should also be executed on the spot for gross negligence and pure stupidity.
2. Burn the white tee’s - I know I’m getting old because these fucking things are ridiculous. Along with it ditch your bathing ape hoodys, scarves, uggs, and the oversized New Era hats with gaudy prints. (The New York Yankees have never worn camouflage.)
3. More steroids in sports - Tickets to an athletic event are the $2039308, this could be the reason for all these sub prime mortgages. If we are going to pay this much to see a game I want to see the biggest, fastest, strongest, mutant athletes that science can make. Inject the kickers and let’s get some 79 yard field goals going and Mortal Kombat style fatalities in baseball brawls.
4. Wisconsin state wide smoking ban - Actually might as well make it a nation wide ban. There’s nothing worse than waking up in the clothes you wore last night after a long night of drinking smelling like Robert Downey Jr. and having to soak your winter jacket in bleach for a week.
5. The Patriots to lose in the playoffs - I don’t care if its in the first round or the Super Bowl, seriously fuck this team.
6. Our good friends at Merck pharmaceuticals are in the initial stages of producing a pill that prevents hangovers. The greatest advancement in modern medicine since penicillin. I can only hope this drug is rushed to the market because I don’t know how many more years I can wake up early on New Years day to watch the Badgers in the Outback bowl. I’d rather go to the poinsettia bowl and play Navy in December than struggle to wake up on the first.
1. Dr. Dre: Detox – Although this is probably unrealistic, the album will probably be on my 2015 wish list. Waiting for an elderly Andre Young to drop some shit in a nursing home about Medicare. While were at it throw a Big Daddy Kane solo album and a Fugees reunion album on there. DJ Khaled and T-Pain should also be executed on the spot for gross negligence and pure stupidity.
2. Burn the white tee’s - I know I’m getting old because these fucking things are ridiculous. Along with it ditch your bathing ape hoodys, scarves, uggs, and the oversized New Era hats with gaudy prints. (The New York Yankees have never worn camouflage.)
3. More steroids in sports - Tickets to an athletic event are the $2039308, this could be the reason for all these sub prime mortgages. If we are going to pay this much to see a game I want to see the biggest, fastest, strongest, mutant athletes that science can make. Inject the kickers and let’s get some 79 yard field goals going and Mortal Kombat style fatalities in baseball brawls.
4. Wisconsin state wide smoking ban - Actually might as well make it a nation wide ban. There’s nothing worse than waking up in the clothes you wore last night after a long night of drinking smelling like Robert Downey Jr. and having to soak your winter jacket in bleach for a week.
5. The Patriots to lose in the playoffs - I don’t care if its in the first round or the Super Bowl, seriously fuck this team.
6. Our good friends at Merck pharmaceuticals are in the initial stages of producing a pill that prevents hangovers. The greatest advancement in modern medicine since penicillin. I can only hope this drug is rushed to the market because I don’t know how many more years I can wake up early on New Years day to watch the Badgers in the Outback bowl. I’d rather go to the poinsettia bowl and play Navy in December than struggle to wake up on the first.
7. I wish I was like six-foot-nine So I could get with Leoshi. (Hats off to you if you get the reference)
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