New Years Resolutions.. .. in advance.

Reading TL's Wish List for 2008 has got me thinking (and laughing - fuck Bapes sweatshirts) about the new year, and those god-damned resolutions.

This year I've decided to make my New Years resolutions in advance. After 24 years of failed resolutions, I've decided to make a change for my 25th, and pick them out before the actual festivities begin (yes I've been making resolutions from age 0, you smart over-thinking motherfucker).

As we all in the Middle-West USA know, the 1st is usually a painful, painful day, followed by the 2nd, which due to being at work, is an equally, if not more, painful, painful day. While the next several days after that are not quite so painful, the resentment our livers feel towards the rest of our bodies is enough to force all of us to throw any and all resolutions out the window.

Fuck this, liver, you aren't stealing my resolutions for 2008.

So here we are, on the 30th of December reading my resolutions. Please take note.

1. It cost Chicago Public Radio over $150,000 in 2007 to provide their show This American Life as a free podcast, downloadable through iTunes weekly. Because I currently am in no position to donate money (peace to the Visa gods) to wbez Chicago, I will make 2 resolutions instead. a) listen to every episode I download & b) remind everyone that TAL is the best show on radio, television, filmscreens, whatever, everywhere, forever... (quiet down Wire guys, no matter how hard-core and legit the writers of the show are, its still not real).

2. No more non-sports/casino related bets. I calculated that in 2007 I lost $845 in bets, all non-sports or casino related. Sports and casino related bets totaled a meager $87. I am that idiot that is sure that he knows when penicillin was invented, where Johnny Knoxville went to college, and how much you are paid to appear naked in Playboy. And I am wrong. Always. So no more stupid bets. Although I don't think you can drink 14 cups of water, or quit chewing tobacco, and I don't think that you know the colors of Ethiopia's flag, but I'm no longer willing to wager in '08.

3. I will not spend money online, while intoxicated, after midnight. I don't even want to know how much money this accounted for in 2007, but it needs to stop. Buying $14 burritos after midnight, while intoxicated is bad enough, but when the Visa gods meet up with the Amazon gods for a late night slumber party, everyone loses. If I subscribe to one more magazine that's free online, or buy one more T-shirt even a Manhattan investment banker wouldn't wear, or buy one more airline ticket to Iraq just to see if it's possible.. . I'll be broke. I'm a starving artist living on a nuclear-physicists salary, which will change in '08.

In line with my new resolution methodology, I have already put these into practice - so I am nearly positive that they will not be thwarted by my sensible liver. I even bought my ticket for the New Years party at Elbow Room before midnight ;)