Hugelush writes in to Savage Love (the other letter's funny too)

At a recent party I fucked a Spanish girl in an inflatable igloo. As we were going at it—standing up, from behind, clothes mostly on—she put her fingers in her ass. Being the gentleman I am, I asked if she'd prefer something (slightly) more substantial in there. She said yes; I put it in. After a few minutes, I began to smell something foul. I prayed to the God I don't believe exists that it wasn't what I suspected. I finally looked down and saw that her ass and my dick were covered in brown. On the verge of vomiting, I tried to stay calm and make what I would consider to be a traumatic situation for her a little less embarrassing.
Thing is, she wasn't embarrassed. She didn't seem to mind. In fact, after I lost my erection, removed my socks and underwear, and used them to try to clean things up, she sucked me off. The next day, I received a text from her saying that she had a great time. No apology for shitting on me, no quip to lighten things up. I'd suspect that she forgot the whole ordeal (she was drunk), but I'm confident that despite my efforts to clean up, she awoke the next day with shit on her person and skirt. In the days since, my sympathy for the cute little thing has turned into resentment. Shouldn't she have known she had to poop? Shouldn't she have apologized?

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

You did all the right things after that Spanish tramp shit on you—and we're talking shit here, not a splash or two of santorum. You pulled out, you cleaned up, you moved on to something else. Some folks would've freaked but, eh, those folks don't get it. You can put lipstick on an ass, my friends, but it's still an ass. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Shit shouldn't happen; it's gross when it does. But when you're fucking ass, shit has to be regarded as a "known known."
The accidental shitter, however, owes the mortified shittee the courtesy of being appropriately mortified; the shitter should also quickly assume all clean-up duties (oral doesn't count); and if the shittee is being cool about it, the shitter should thank the shittee for not making a big deal about it. Based on this girl's actions, SSBB, I'd say she was blind drunk, utterly clueless, into shit, or all of the above. Whatever her major malfunction, SSBB, wipe her number from your phone's memory.

Tell me the name of my fetish! In intimate situations, all I want is the foreplay portion of a hookup: kissing, petting, dry humping. But it goes no further than both parties being shirtless, i.e., no oral, no penetration, no getting off. Is there a name for this fetish?

My Own Crazy Kink

Indeed there is, MOCK. It's called "second base."