Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

...you goddamn idiot sports fans.  I think I've reached the point where I hate 95% of you.  Why, you may ask?  Because in those moments that you attend a sporting event you become the worst people that exist in this country.

Now look, I admittedly feel strongly that I know much more than you about sports in general, particularly about those specific teams I hold dear to my heart.  But, believe you me (?), that is not the problem.  If you don't know that much about something, whatever the subject may be, ask questions, study up and feel free to offer your opinion.  Humbly.  Don't be a loud, obnoxious clucker, poppin shit because you paid for a ticket and you think that gives you a pass to do what you please.

I went to a Brewers game the other day and was subject to the worst of this kind of fan.  To set the stage, the Brewers have been struggling as of late, but find themselves in a position to make the playoffs for the first time in my life.  I was in my mother's stomach at a playoff game in 1982, that would be it folks.  A small sampling of several hours of comments:  

• Directed towards catcher Jason Kendall on a play at the plate, a late and off target throw from RF by Corey Hart: "Way to be ready for the throw Kendall, great, that's just fucking great."
• "Eat some meat Prince!  Eat a burger!  The soy ain't gettin' it done!!!!"
• Every time a Brewers player is at bat, I suppose to accentuate that they like to swing at first pitches..."swing....swing...swing...swing...swing..."
• Prince Fielder, en route to a 0-4 game and with 2 outs, doesn't hustle on the most routine grounder possible: "Hustle!  Hustle!  Fuckin' jagoffs, can't hustle for all those millions of dollars, well that's just great."
• "Go Cubbies."
• On Brewers closer Salomon Torres, who has had a career year: "Yep, not like you were that great in Pittsburgh, jagoff."
• On a clean single, loosely in the vacinity of 2B Ray Durham: "HUSTLE, HUSTLE GODDAMNIT!"

A couple things on these ignorant and not remotely funny or clever comments.  One, this dude had his wife and several small kids with him.  These kids would laugh at the dumb shit he said, boo Brewers players to be like their dumbfuck father, and are sure to grow up like some idiots spreading the same fuckery.  

Two, people around us, in agreement or not, would look at this fellow and give him a smile after he threw out his foolishness.  Whether they were sharing his sentiment or telling him to shut the fuck up in their heads, the acknowledgement of his presence only spurred him on.  A lesson to all: either ignore these folks completely or turn around and punch them in the fucking face.

Let me just say, fuckers like this make sporting events miserable to go to.  Opposing fans talking shit is fine and can be enjoyable.  Fellow fans who don't know what's going on or don't pay attention to the game are to be expected and are at least not overtly distracting.  

Motherfuckers like this list bullshit stats and repeat reactionary nonsense from sports radio and message boards.  They think that because they paid their hard-earned money (enough with that line) to go to a game, they are therefore free to spout endless misinformation.  These are the dudes who were failed athletes in high school, challenge their kid's coaches to fights over lack of playing time, and slap the shit out of their kids for not being good enough to warrant playing time.

If you are one of these people take a long look in the mirror or your reflection in the pond that you fish in, and ask yourself if you want to go through life as that full of shit dude at games.  If you realize your faults and strive for change, well I commend you.  If not, well I was quiet the other day, so next time you are getting punched in the fucking face.  Good day.